二零二零年二月十一日

二零二零年二月十一日 - 是我人生最痛苦的一天。

這是我第一次遇到這種傷痛。
心真的很痛很痛。
胸口很悶，簡直不能呼吸的感覺。
做什麼事都不能開心起來。
仲覺得，人生好像少的什麼。

我也許有錯，但至少有個機會吧？有個機會彌補過錯？
我也知道，不是什麼事都有第二次機會的。
所以，從這次的經驗，我學到，說什麼，做什麼，真的要想一想。
想一想對方會不會受傷？
想一想說的話會傷到其他人嗎？
想一想說這些話，值得嗎？

如果是氣頭上的話，是不是不說會比較好一點？
說的話就像潑出去的水一樣，是收不回來的。

我從中也學習到，一些人有可能需要多一點時間想通一些事。
不需要每一次要其他人馬上給你個交代。
你能給予他的是空間，去想想，去思考，這樣才能好好的和你說話或討論。
你要學習怎樣不那麼急躁。
也要學著怎樣不把工作的不愉快帶回家。
這樣，心情會好一些。那就不會那麼急躁了。

最後，從這件事看來，我也學到不管碰到什麼困難，都要勇敢面對。
不管有多難，有多辛苦，也一定要勇敢面對。
就算問題不能解決，如果身邊有人願意合你分擔，那是件幸福的事。
也許有人陪，那就不會那麼害怕或困擾了？
但如果你把他們推開，不願意接受他們來和你分擔的話，那就自己勇敢面對。
這樣才能對得起自己，也對得起對你有期望的人。

逃避不能解決問題。
逃得了一時，逃不了一世。

Disagreement

I don't have much friends. Each friendship to me is really precious and I cherish them a lot.

Recently, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine. 

We have different view on this matter. 

Different people have different view on each matter. It is not surprising that we have disagreement for such a matter. I totally understand where she is coming from but I am not very sure if she is though. Maybe she is but again, taking it too harshly already?

To me, to have disagreement is unavoidable. No two person in this world will have views that are 100% in tandem with each other. Even if there is, I think it will only reach 99.99999999999999999%, it will never be a 100%. This is absolutely acceptable. What's more important is, whether you can accept your friend who he or she is. If you can, then it wouldn't be a problem at all. However, there are limits to everything. If one crosses that limit, I think it is good to talk it out and tell each other where is the line? Even couples/husband and wife talk it out, friends can do that too isn't it?

I think we need some time to cool down and maybe find a day to talk it out. It is really a small matter. Really small. I guess we have our principles and therefore it deteriorate to such a stage? 

I don't want her to be affected and unhappy about this matter. Neither do I want myself to be kept being bothered by this. We have to sort it out once and for all. It is really not very good for our mental health. I guess because we really treat each other as friends that's why we are so affected? 

I shall see how it goes. 

Friends do not come by easy. 

She is a close friend of mine too. 

I will have to try my best to mend this friendship that I might have destroyed it with my own hands.

It was due to my straight thinking - being very real and facing the reality? 

This is me and I just cannot help it. 

Does that mean that I should change? Maybe. 

Booklist

Now that I have started working, there is no need for me to do homework, study for exams or tests, I realised that I have more time for myself. I decided to pick up reading. I hope by reading, I will be able to improve my English language.

Here's a list of the books that I have finished reading and I will be updating this list here as and when I have finished a book.

10/06/2015: 木偶商店 - 辛欣
02/07/2015: The Notebook: A Novel - Nicholas Sparks
21/11/2016: Paper Towns - John Green
26/12/2016: Looking for Alaska - John Green
03/01/2017: An Abundance of Katherines - John Green

First blogpost after a year

My last post was on boxing day in 2015.

Today is 4 February 2017. It's been a year since my last post and it's great to look back at these posts. For example, the post on my first TGIF after I have started working back then. It really brings back memories. My learning stage as a newbie then after that it's my turn to teach the newbies. Until now, I am doing a totally different role in the team that I never thought I will be doing.

Here are my experiences I had thus far:

Sep 2014 - Sep 2015

1. Started off as an verifier for applications 
2. Worked on budgeting for 1 programme
3. Person in charge for managing a lettershopping vendor 
4. Moved on to an approver for applications 
5. Team combined with another programme and therefore started budgeting for his programme too
6. Worked on streamlining of processes to align both programmes
7. Became the secretariat of an upcoming conference in 2018. Started initial planning and researching issues for budget. 

Sep 2015 - Sep 2016 

1. Worked on risk management due to the amount of confidential and personal data we handle on a daily basis
2. Company took over another programme and therefore started budgeting for this programme as well
3. On top of being an approver, I became the disbursement officer for one of the 3 programmes that we are administering. Disbursement officer jobs includes checking of the payment list to ensure payment is in order very month, generating statistics pertaining to the programme when requested, providing statistics for reporting etc. 
4. Worked on fraud risk management as I had the experience with risk management previously 
5. Became the secretariat/collator for FASA workgroup. 
6. Due to streamlining of processes for the 3 programmes, the 3 SOPs are to be integrated. Started the work on combining the 3 SOPs into 1 Integrated SOP. 
7. Company has launched company wide Information Management Policy (IMP). Divisions manage different types of confidential data hence are to come up with their very own IMP, specific to each divisions. Started work to write out our department's IMP. 

Sep 2016 - current 

1. Continuing my disbursement officer role, working on the Integrated SOP, IMP, budgeting issues, FASA. 
2. Handing over my managing of lettershopping vendor role to my colleague
3. Coaching of another colleague to learn the disbursement role for the programme that I am doing every month. He will be my covering and most likely take over this piece if I were to move on with some other projects.

Ever since I entered into the working society, I learnt so much. A lot or even all of the things I learnt are things that I don't get to learn in school. I am only in my 2nd year and counting into my working life hence I still have a long way to go. I guess what I should start thinking now is.....what do I actually love doing and should start planning my next steps. 

What is important to me at work:

1. Working with numbers. For my disbursement officer role, I get to generate statistics hence numbers come into the pictures. Similarly for budgeting, I get to work with numbers too. I think that my love for numbers is still there. 
2. Do meaningful work. My current work provides elderly patients with financial assistance. Although I don't get to see the patients benefiting from the financial aid directly, I personally still feel that it is meaningful. I applied for financial aid when I was in university. The amount of money I got is substantial and really helped me a lot. Medical expenses in Singapore is really expensive so even a hundred dollar payout each month does make a difference to each of them too.
3. Working with nice, friendly and funny colleagues. Colleagues play a huge part here because I face them 8 hours or more, for 5 days a week! It would be really boring to be just working and not have anyone to interact and have fun with. I know I am quiet and may not be talking a lot. However, I am still someone who wish to have someone to talk to. Just to have a break from work, talk about anything under the sun. 
4. Teaching anyone at work. I love to teach anyone who yearns to learn anything from me. I like to teach what I know to people so that they can learn and not make the same mistakes that I did. I guess that's why I wanted to be a teacher at the start? 
5. Having opportunities to work on new projects and therefore be able to learn new knowledge. This is really important to me as I will get tired and bored of routine jobs. I am glad that my bosses gave me opportunities to work on so many different projects. They really exposed me to different kind of work and through these, I gained a lot of knowledge and experience in working with different kind of people too. 
6. Having work life balance. I think I have a good work life balance currently. I have a habit of completing my work before I leave or solve a certain problem that I encountered instead of leaving it for another time. I predict that this habit of mine might lead to me not having a work life balance. On days with tight deadlines I worked really hard. I worked overtime till 10pm in office and continue my work till 2 am to complete what I need to do. I have to do that because of my deadlines. I felt so tired after that. I was mentally and physically tired. I don't feel very good after working so hard. Therefore I having work life balance is important for me because I really don't want to put myself in that kind of situation again, unless it is necessary. 

That's all I can think of right now. I think it's good for me to blog about my thoughts at the different stage of my life. In future, I can look back and therefore do some comparison and reflection. I will try my best to take some time to jot down my thoughts here more often. :)

人生。

真真假假，假假真真。
我看到的一面，並非是其他人看到的。
其他人看到的一面，並非是我看到的。

對我而言，能用一顆很真誠的心去對待每一個人是非常重要的。
如果這個人能感受到我的真誠，那他也會用一顆真誠的心來對待我吧？
這就跟得到尊重是一樣的道理。
如果要得到其他人的尊重，你必須先尊重他。
但是事實是如此嗎？我看未必。

有人說，我這種想法太天真了。
有人說，我這樣的想法已絕種了。
有人說，我不能這樣想，因為我根本沒在保護我自己。
有人說，我該學學怎樣看人，不然被利用了或吃了虧，都不知道。

如果對待每個人都要多看，多想，多疑，那做人不是很辛苦嗎？
在日常生活中，我們已經有很多要想，要顧慮的了。
我們已經是有夠忙的了，如果還是要用一顆疑心去對待，去認識一個人的話，那不是更忙嗎？
為甚麼就不能簡簡單單對待人事物呢？

俗話說的好，還是做小孩最好，什麼都不用顧慮，沒事麼可煩惱的。
就開開心心的玩，鬧，哭，笑，過著很單純的童年。
長大了，事情會越變越複雜，會有很多煩惱。
而這些事情和煩惱，不是說出來就能解決的。
很多時候，說出來只是會有多一個人能分擔煩惱。
到最後，我們還是要自己面對，做出選擇。
如果做了對的選擇，那就皆大歡喜。
這會是一個很好的經驗和回憶。
如果做了錯的選擇，那必須承受後果，負責任。
這有可能會改變命運或生活。
有可能還會跌倒谷底，需要很長的時間爭做起來。也有可能，再也站不起來了。
這就是大人的世界嗎？

大人的世界，就是這麼複雜，這麼殘酷。
再也不像在學校裡，如果做錯事，學校和老師都會很仁慈地給學生改過的機會。
在大人的世界，如果做錯事，事情非同小可，會很嚴重地看待。
不會因為是新人或者沒有經驗而讓事情待過。
每做錯一件事，就會被列入黑名單。必須要很努力才能在得到領導的信任。
而且，不是每一位領導都會再給你機會的。
現實是殘酷的，如果失去這次的機會，一定會有人取代你，得到這機會。
如果要再有另一個機會，你必須要很努力，永不放棄，做好準備。
如果幸運的話，出現在對的時間，地方，機會就會再次降臨到你的面前。
在這時刻，你必須要已做好準備，把握機會，展出本領，發光發熱。

所謂，機會是給做好準備的人。不要因為沒有其會展現自己而感到氣餒。
只要你一直很努力，做對得起你自己的事。。。
你周圍的人一定會看得到。
你的領導一定會看得到。
老天爺一定會看到。

只要永不放棄，以一顆真誠的心對待任何人事物，好的事情一定會發生在你的身上。
即使沒有好的事情，壞的事情也絕對不會發生。
但如果好的不靈壞的靈呢？
那就要勇敢地接受，勇敢地去面對。
不管是好事還是壞事，每一件事情發生，都有它的理由。
只要我們勇敢地去面對，往好的方面去想，去解決問題。
不管再大，再難的問題都會迎刃而解。
只要過的這一關，就會海闊天空！

人生，不會是一帆風順的。
一帆風順的人生，不叫做人生。
人生，就是有起有落。
在起的時候，盡情的去享受開心，勝利的時光。
再落的時候，要坦然和勇敢地去面對。把失敗當作是一個學習的過程。
爭做起來後，就勇往直前，把失敗牢牢記住，不再重蹈覆轍。

這樣的人生，才多姿多彩。
這，才叫做，人生。

Thoughts

"寧願在年輕的時候失敗很多次，

都不要在年輕的時候就成功一次。"

-权怡凤，《今天我代班》

Learn to appreciate

Sometimes, we take things and people for granted.

We're stingy with compliments.

We don't actively say thank you.

We might not know how to show our appreciation to people. 

Actually, a simple action or word will do. Is this very difficult? For some people, it's peanuts. For some, it's not that they don't want to show appreciation, it's just difficult for them to show it as they don't know how. For some, they don't even give a damm. These people should learn how to appreciate so that people will start to appreciate them too. 

On a Friday in May, I came across a client. I was explaining to her what follow up she needs to do over the phone. After introducing myself and when I was about start to go into the topic, she stopped me and asked me,

'From your voice, I assume you're down with flu or you're sick?'

'...Yes Mdm Goh, I'm down with flu.'

'Oh...I'm sorry to hear that, please take care, you should've taken MC today.'

'I'm okay, ....(and I continued to explain to her the follow up she needs to do)' 

(As I was explaining, I have no idea why suddenly my cough starts to worsen and I was coughing madly each time I finish a sentence. It became so bad that I have to excuse myself and put Mdm Goh on 'Hold' mode.)

(She didn't feel unhappy but kept saying...)

'It's okay, go have some water and take some lozenges.'

'I'll do the talking, you can just cough and listen to me. You'll have to cough it out in order to feel better. Go on.'

'Must take care, your cough is very serious.'

(Her voice was so caring and I felt that she was really very concerned. I'm embarrassed but felt grateful at the same time. I drank some water while on 'Hold' mode and felt better. I resumed to explain to her what she needs to do.) 

'Thank you so much Shi Hui, please take care and I will email you the application form on Monday. Please take care. You can go try 京都念慈安川贝枇杷膏. Have it with warm water and it will really help your cough. Alright, don't talk so much, take care. Bye bye!'

I was really surprised by what she said. What I just did is basically part of my job and yet she is so thankful about it.

On Monday when I came to work, I received 2 emails from our call centre. Mdm Goh called to the hotline to check if I have received the application form to ensure that I do the follow up and also another call to thank me for being so helpful. I also received a miss call from her too, on my desk phone, and returned a call. I spoke to her and then got to know that she thought that I will be on MC today so afraid that no one will tend to her application form that she has submitted. I told her that we have received the application form and will process it accordingly. Also, I thanked her for calling in to thank me as she don't really have to do that. She really appreciates what I did (though I still think that whatever I did is something really simple) and kept thanking me.

Although I think this Mdm Goh is a little dramatic but her appreciation towards the people around her is really something that we should learn. Learn to appreciate others, so that other will appreciate you and this in turn will make the place around you a happier place to be and live in.