4 months and 10 days

The question that I have been thinking about is, 

Why did he choose to end it this way? 

The way he ended it was cowardly and disrespectful. 

It seems like I'm a nobody to him from the moment that he chose to give up. 

This is despite the times we had together. Those genuine moments and memories.

At least I was genuine, I'm not too sure about him. I would love to still trust him and believe him but as days passed by, I start to realise that maybe...just maybe...I don't really know him. The real him.

Whatever he did to me not only hurt me but I feel that it also gave me trauma. 

That's because whenever I think about it, I just felt so scared. 

When I think about...what if I were to bump into him on the streets? I only have one feeling and that's feeling scared. I don't really want to meet him and face the pain that he gave me. It's too painful. 

Maybe, just maybe, what I said to him also caused him pain and trauma hence he insisted not to deal with the issue with me and face me to end it.  

If that's the case, I guess I am just facing the karma that I should be getting. 

Whatever it is, I know I should move on. 

I should not be thinking about that question anymore and it doesn't do me any good. 

I will never have an answer to that question, so why bother and think about it? 

Shi Hui, look forward and move on. Since he didn't look back, you shouldn't be waiting anymore, you should move on and don't look back too. 

I spoke with a friend and mentioned that I might have some trauma due to this experience. She told me that it could be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I read this up and feel that it could be...since it was indeed an unexpected event and it does cause me fear but not as intense. I wouldn't want this to get deteriorated though. I feel that with time, I will get better. I have to.