4 months and 10 days

The question that I have been thinking about is, 

Why did he choose to end it this way? 

The way he ended it was cowardly and disrespectful. 

It seems like I'm a nobody to him from the moment that he chose to give up. 

This is despite the times we had together. Those genuine moments and memories.

At least I was genuine, I'm not too sure about him. I would love to still trust him and believe him but as days passed by, I start to realise that maybe...just maybe...I don't really know him. The real him.

Whatever he did to me not only hurt me but I feel that it also gave me trauma. 

That's because whenever I think about it, I just felt so scared. 

When I think about...what if I were to bump into him on the streets? I only have one feeling and that's feeling scared. I don't really want to meet him and face the pain that he gave me. It's too painful. 

Maybe, just maybe, what I said to him also caused him pain and trauma hence he insisted not to deal with the issue with me and face me to end it.  

If that's the case, I guess I am just facing the karma that I should be getting. 

Whatever it is, I know I should move on. 

I should not be thinking about that question anymore and it doesn't do me any good. 

I will never have an answer to that question, so why bother and think about it? 

Shi Hui, look forward and move on. Since he didn't look back, you shouldn't be waiting anymore, you should move on and don't look back too. 

I spoke with a friend and mentioned that I might have some trauma due to this experience. She told me that it could be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I read this up and feel that it could be...since it was indeed an unexpected event and it does cause me fear but not as intense. I wouldn't want this to get deteriorated though. I feel that with time, I will get better. I have to.  

4 months and 5 days

So yesterday, I waited for you.
I waited until 23:59...because I thought you will look back and that you regretted.
I thought you will make use of yesterday, my special day, to reach out to me.
I guess I was wrong. It was my only last hope. And it's gone.

It's time for me to really really really say goodbye to you.
In order to do that, I have to cut all ties with you, so that I could move on.
Without doing that, it will be very tough for me.
Since you don't even reach out to me as a friend, there's really no point keeping this "friend" status between us isn't it?
To be honest, there is no "friend" status to begin with.
What you said are lies. All lies.
If you don't regret choosing me and would choose me again, then why would everything end like that? That does not make any sense to me.

If I knew that it's this kind of ending, I wouldn't choose you again. I would rather spend the time with someone else who is willing to work things out and make things work. Not someone who doesn't even face his problems and deal with it. This is also why, I feel that you are quite scary.

I have never thought you are this kind of person. Never have I thought that I will expect such behaviours from you. Especially the part on not facing your problems and not dealing it with respect.
Now that I have seen your true colour, I would be worried if I'm your friends too. I wouldn't want a friend who doesn't even try to be responsible to the problems.

Since there is no friendship to begin with, "unfriend" you on all platforms is the way to go.
I no longer need to be bothered by the fact that you could see my updates.
I no longer need to think about what would you think about my updates.
There's just no need me to think about you again.

You are out of my life and that's the end for me.

Today is a brand new day. Shi Hui, you can do this.