X(

I had 3 mid term tests for the past 3 days. I'm really tired. I felt that I wasn't fully prepared. I understand the notes but when I look at the questions on the paper., I just couldn't apply. They are my cores some more. What's worst, my week started with a bad news. 

On Monday, while I was on the way home I checked my email and there was an email regarding SEP (student exchange programme). I signed up for it and had an interview the week before recess week. The interviewers said I will know the result after recess week. I was very consistent, checking my email everyday during the recess week because I thought they might get email the results earlier or something like that? But no news until the recess week ended. First day back to school and at the end of the day while on the way home, I received their email. They told me to choose from the remaining slots as my first and third choice are taken. 

Disappointed, sad and regretful were the words to describe my feeling at that moment. 

Disappointed because I did a lot of research and spend quite some time to prepare my application for submission. I did some homework to prepare for my interview too. Also, I thought I did not bad for the interview. 

Sad because I really really really really really really really really want to go exchange. At first I was really scared, worried if I can really do it. But once I submitted the form, I thought it will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me as I will not be going to any country as a student anymore once I graduate. Recently, I watched a lot of variety shows that is on traveling. I really like how they get to see and experience so many new stuffs. I think I'm in love with traveling now. I am not into shopping nowadays so will prefer to look at the lifestyle and culture of a country if I were to visit one. Main thing will be for the experience, eat and take photos. Having an exchange will be an awesome experience but I guess luck is just not on my side.......

Regretful because I did not apply in round 1. The reason was my sister was preparing to go overseas that time so I thought it will not be good for me to apply for SEP as it will be a burden? Then at that time, I don't really have the savings to fund myself for the trip. Hence, I quite worried about the financial part. As for now, I have saved enough money to fund myself and my sister is also back too. However, I didn't get the slot to go Concordia University in Montreal, Canada for exchange. I didn't choose from the list of remaining slots as either those universities do not offer the modules I want to read in english or they have limited english modules. Most of them are european countries therefore their first language isn't english. 

I'm really sad. In the end, I signed up for local exchange to NTU. If I don't get nominated for local exchange, 我就真的认命了！

So yeah, bad news at the start of the week, can say that it kinda affect my mood to study for the 3 mid term tests? Until now I'm still feeling moody over it. Most of the people around me are flying off for SEP next semester and some the following semester. Then for those not going SEP, they are going for summer programme. And what about me? My once-in-a-lifetime experience just slip away, JUST LIKE THAT. No one but me to be blamed. 

Why consider so much? Why can't I just apply and think of what to worry later? Why? Why? Why? I never want something soooooo badly in my life...maybe because it's once-in-a-lifetime. And now, it's gone, just. like. that. X(