Why am I like that?

I really wonder why......why am I like that? Why can't I be like others, so open, cheerful and be able to mix around with people easily. Why can't I be like that? Why must I be so slow in mixing around with people? I really hate this point about me.....hate it. Because of this, I can't make friends easily, thus making me a loner. I don't like to be a loner, I don't want to be a loner.....but why still turn out this way? The reason I went for the camp is to make friends but turned out to be not that successful. I still tried my very best to mix around and talk to people. Despite the failures, as long as I can make it for meeting or outings, I will definitely go. But why still turned out to be like that?

The people there at the camp are great and awesome, I enjoyed the camp, but of course, not the part of being a loner. I know that I don't talk much (or should I say hardly ever talk) but it's not that I want it, I just really don't know what to say at that moment of time unless I can find some common topic to talk about. I know I shouldn't continue to be like that, I need to change, but how?

I just hope that by attending more OG outing I can let more people know more about me and I will open up more and let them see the other side of me. The side of me that is so much more talkative and cheerful than the original one that they saw.

Yes, you may think that I am weak and lousy.....can actually get so disturbed and bothered by such a problem which can be easily solved and settled by most people. The truth is, for me, I can't. I can't solve this problem within just a few steps. I need time, a lot of time. But this method is not going to work. People will just move and I will never be able to catch up with them. So....time to change my character? Easier said than done. :(

I think I am so used to close friends being there for me till the extend that I don't know how to make friends. Now that I don't have their accompany, I feel so lost. It's a good start to change my character, but the point is, is it going to work for me? No matter what.....I will still try my very best to mix around, please, shihui, open  up more.....open up more.....:(